


Making Progress

by Miko



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-21
Updated: 2011-07-22
Packaged: 2017-10-21 15:12:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/226591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miko/pseuds/Miko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once Karkat figures out the trick to getting John's attention, it's all smooth sailing from there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"What? Why the fuck not?"

"Because that's kinda really too much like a date, Karkat!"

"Fucking ninety percent of the things we do together could be considered dates, Egbert." Growling, Karkat glared at his 'best friend' - a title John continued to insist on sticking them with, and never mind that they were so damned flushed for each other, people could probably spot it three planetary systems away. "Why is it okay for us to grab dinner alone together at a shitty restaurant, but not to go to a nice one to celebrate your wriggling day?"

John _giggled_. Karkat absolutely loathed that sound, because it inevitably preceded some moronically inane statement that made no sense whatsoever, and which John would flatly refuse to explain further. It seemed to happen whenever they were discussing something the human found embarrassing, which covered a wide and extensive variety of topics. Almost all of which were one of Karkat's attempts to get the asshole to _admit_ he was flushed.

"It's just different," John insisted. "Going to a really expensive restaurant on someone's birthday is definitely a date, and it's something you should do with your girlfriend some day. Oops, or boyfriend. Sorry, didn't mean to be exclusionist!"

"Why are you fine with the idea of me having a boyfriend, but not having one yourself?" Karkat demanded automatically. Great, now they were getting into the same damned circular argument they had every time the subject came up. Karkat didn't even know why he bothered to keep trying, except in the faint hope that someday John would actually give him an answer that made sense.

"I keep telling you, just because I'm not a homosexual doesn't mean I'm not okay with my best friend being one," John said, looking faintly hurt. As he always did when they got to this part of the discussion, like Karkat had insulted him somehow by trying to make him see the contradictions in his supposed logic. "Or, well, bi I guess. Whatever, I'm fine with you just the way you are."

"So long as the guy I'm hitting on isn't you," Karkat observed acidly, his patience just about worn through. He'd put up with nearly a sweep of this shit - two full earth years - repeating the same fucking conversation at least once a week since the game had ended and they'd rebuilt the world.

"I've kind of even gotten used to that, actually," John admitted guilelessly. "I just wish you'd stop banging your head against a brick wall and look for someone else. I don't want you to end up alone."

Karkat literally threw his hands up in disgust. So many times he'd come within an inch of giving up, of declaring the whole thing hopeless, but no matter how much he wanted to storm off and never look back, he knew he'd regret it for the rest of his miserable life.

Having John as a friend was better than not having him at all. Even if it did hurt worse than any battle wound ever had, sometimes.

"Anyway, we're here, so can we continue this conversation later?" John asked as they approached the front door to Sollux's hive. The others would be waiting for them inside - John and Karkat were almost always the last to arrive to their weekly gatherings, usually because they'd gotten into an argument on the way.

"You know what? No," Karkat replied, pushed beyond the boundaries of patience by the sheer repetitive idiocy of the whole mess between them. He shoved the door open without knocking. "No, we can't. This conversation is going to continue right here, right now. If I can't get a straight fucking answer from you, maybe I can get one from everyone else. WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS A HOMOSEXUAL AND WHY ISN'T HE ONE?"

If there had been conversations going on in the room before he entered, they stopped the moment he raised his voice. For a wonder, John wasn't giggling - he'd blushed so red Terezi was sniffing in his direction with a fascinated expression, and buried his face in his hands, but he wasn't giggling. Karkat wasn't sure if that was a bad sign or not.

 _Jade_ started giggling, which was even more annoying in some ways than when John did it, but the growl Karkat flung at her did nothing to shut her up. It wasn't worth trying any harder than that, he'd learned the hard way.

"Still no luck?" Sollux asked, seemingly sympathetic but with the hint of a smirk quirking the corner of his lips.

"Shut it, Captor," Karkat retorted. "I want answers from the fucking humans, not your bullshit."

"By strictest definition, a homosexual is a cisgendered male who is only attracted to other cisgendered males," Rose said, as serenely as if Karkat had asked what the weather was like. "In common parlance, however, it has generally come to refer to any biological male who is attracted to other biological males at all, regardless of whether or not they are also attracted to biological females, and often irrespective of what gender identity either partner may have."

Karkat stared at her blankly. When nothing further was forthcoming, he snarled. "Okay, thank you miss fucking thesaurus. That was so very helpful I can just feel the new knowledge and understanding bubbling up inside me, soon to spew forth from my seedflap. Why I expected any explanation you gave to make sense, I have no fucking clue."

She sighed, and adopted a mockingly patient expression. "What he means when he tells you that he's not homosexual is that he's not physically attracted to men."

"How. Is that. A _thing_?" Karkat snapped. "Why do you have a word for something that fucking ridiculous? What _difference_ does it make?"

"Even among trolls there are some of us who express a preference for one gender or the other, Karkat," Kanaya said. "Particularly when it comes to concupiscent quadrants. It is no different than having a preference for trolls with high intelligence, or great strength, or any other attribute to which one might be attracted."

"Yeah but we don't have a fucking word for every one of those preferences," Karkat said. "We'd be drowning in definitions!"

"It makes sense that a species for whom sex is not relevant to the reproductive process would not feel strongly about the need for certain ideal combinations," Rose said, shrugging. "Indeed I have often pondered the question of why trolls are gender binary at all."

"Hey, sex is completely relevant to reproducing," Terezi said, snorting. "Kinda hard to create any genetic material without it."

"Ah, no, I am speaking of the biological sex of the respective participants," Rose corrected her. "Not the verb describing the act through which said participants copulate. I agree it is confusing that the same word is used in both cases, which is a result of the outdated nomenclature associated with the subject. In this instance, sex is often incorrectly used interchangeably with gender."

Karkat glanced around at the other three trolls, wondering if he was the only one who felt completely at a loss. Sollux had tilted his head like changing the angle of his think pan might rearrange the incoming information to make sense - hell, it was as good a theory as any. Terezi looked like she wasn't sure whether she should be laughing or not, and Kanaya was frowning.

Their continued confusion must have been clear, because Dave leaned forward. "One plus one equals three, but only if you've got both halves of the equation. Humans need a girl and a guy before we can spit out a kid. So obviously, if we want the species to continue, that's gotta be the default factory setting."

"An unfortunate side effect of which is that anything outside the heteronormative default is often looked down upon," Rose added. "Particularly by the culture we grew up in, though certainly none of us present hold such politically incorrect views. Although actually, mingling our two cultures in this new world seems to have created the pleasant side-effect of broadening humanity's views on related subjects. An unanticipated but highly appreciated result."

"Wait. Hold on. Why do you need a male and a female to have sex?" Karkat said, desperately trying to make sense of the nonsense coming at him from all directions.

"Not to have sex, silly. Just to have babies," Jade replied brightly. "And obviously there aren't going to be any babies with troll-human pairings, but we're mostly still hardwired to be attracted to the other half of the equation, like Dave said."

"But _why_? What difference does gender make?" Karkat insisted, thoroughly bewildered.

Rose sighed deeply. "I just explained this. Gender and sex are not equivalent terms, though many people mistake them as such. Gender is irrelevant. Biological sex is what is important."

"You keep repeating that term as if it should be understood by everyone what you mean," Kanaya said hesitantly. "But I think perhaps we're running into an area where our two cultures diverge more than we had previously realized. Gender we understand. What does 'biological sex' refer to?"

"Your equipment," Dave said, rolling his eyes heavily enough that it was obvious even behind his ever-present glasses. "Tab A goes in slot B. Unless you're putting it in slot C, but that's a whole other story. Guys have dicks and girls have pussies - or bulges and nooks, I guess, in your terms."

Karkat couldn't remember ever being so floored in his life. He gaped at the human boy for a moment, unable to come up with any words to describe his reaction to the ridiculous information. Then he turned to stare at John, for good measure. His not-matesprit gave him a puzzled look in return.

"So, like I keep telling you," John said gently. "I'm sorry, Karkat, but I'm just not built like that."

"Hang on," Terezi exclaimed, apparently the first to recover from the incomprehensible revelation. "You're saying human guys and girls have _different parts_? What's the point of that?"

"How do you even..." Words failed him, and Karkat made a crude gesture to convey his meaning. "How do you _even_ , if you've only got half the equipment you need? What, only one of you gets off? How does that mix your genetic material?"

"And the original topic of this discussion would seem to indicate that there are pairings which are male with male or female with female, even if that is not the culturally preferred combination," Kanaya added, looking shyly at Rose beneath her lashes. "How is that possible, if half of the necessary 'equipment' would be lacking?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait. Rewind," Dave said, looking from Terezi to Karkat and back, with a quick glance at Kanaya for good measure. "You're saying troll chicks have dicks?"

"Obviously not, coolkid," Terezi mocked him, sticking her tongue out. "We've got bonebulges, I thought I had you thoroughly schoolfed on the terminology by now!"

"Yeeeah... suddenly I'm glad you decided we were better off as moirails," Dave declared. "Woulda been a hell of a shock when I got into your pants."

"Yes, quite," Rose agreed, a little faintly. She was staring back at Kanaya with her eyes wide, obviously trying to appear composed but failing rather miserably. Apparently their matespritship wasn't as far along as Karkat had been assuming. "Obviously none of us are going to judge you because your anatomy is not as similar to ours as we had supposed, but it is a bit... startling. It does explain quite a few things about your culture and societal development, however."

"So... so you're all the same?" John said. The expression in his eyes as he looked at Karkat was stunned, with a faint but steadily growing light of hope. "It's just a mistranslation or something? You're as much a girl as a guy?"

That hope made Karkat almost want to agree with him, to let him believe it if that was what it took to get the idiot to _finally_ admit that he was flushed for Karkat. But his pride wouldn't let him. "What? No, fuck you, I am one hundred percent male," Karkat growled at him.

"Actually, kk, I hadn't wanted to say anything, but..."

"Stuff it up your nook, Captor! You're girlier than I am, you scrawny psychic twink."

"But, if there isn't any physical difference, how do you even know you're a guy?" John asked. As usual when Karkat was attempting to explain some blindingly obvious bit of troll culture to him, he looked completely bewildered. Also as usual, the expression made Karkat want to claw his face off.

"If Maryam decided your legs needed improving too and she cut you off at the waist..." Karkat paused for a moment to shudder at the horrific memory, then ploughed onward. "Would that make you any less male?"

"Bluh... well, no," John admitted, brows knitted and nose wrinkled in consternation and puzzlement. "But I mean, even if I didn't have the parts any more, I'd still be a guy 'cause I've got XY chromosomes!"

"And yet again I state that everyone is confusing sex with gender," Rose repeated, clearly growing exasperated. "Sex is biological, while gender is psychological. There are many even among humans who do not feel that their gender is consistent with their sex, John. And that doesn't even begin to bring hermaphrodites, androgynes, and other types of intersexed people into account."

Karkat's head was spinning as he tried to absorb all the new terms and concepts. He'd thought human romance was simplistic and stupid, compared to the multifaceted beauty of the troll quadrant system. Now he was starting to think maybe he'd underestimated the complexity of the situation.

It might be even more stupid than he'd thought, though.

"What I don't get is why trolls have guys and girls in the first place," Jade said thoughtfully. "I mean, if there's no physical difference, why make a mental one?"

"Identifying as a particular gender is a way of linking yourself to certain stereotypical traits," Kanaya attempted to explain. Karkat left her to it happily - her explanation would probably make more sense than his. And involve a lot less yelling and swearing to confuse the issue. "It's a sort of short-cut description, as well as an indication of what type of role you'd like to fill in adult society. Traditionally speaking, males are more aggressive and more likely to attack an opponent directly, and to prefer close-range weapons. They tend to be short-tempered and quicker to anger, but also faster to forgive transgressions. They're better at making decisions quickly and intuitively, which makes them excellent leaders for small groups, especially on the front lines where tactics are more important than strategy. Karkat is indeed a prime example of someone possessing what we consider to be 'male' traits almost exclusively.

"Females, on the other hand," she continued after a brief pause for breath, "tend to be long-term thinkers and planners. That's one reason why we've always had an Empress, and never an Emperor. They're more likely to attempt to manipulate things and people to their liking, rather than attacking directly to remove obstacles to their plans. When they do battle they tend to choose mid- to long-range weapons, and they are far more likely to hold an extensive grudge. Vriska was probably the most clearly feminine of the trolls who played the game," she concluded softly, an edge of sadness in her voice. "Of those of us left, I am the closest to the female ideal."

"Okay, can we not use archaic social constructs to define gender?" Sollux asked irritably, the moment she'd finished. "By those rules, I _am_ a girl. And tz's a guy."

"Justice-obsessed freak probably flipped a coin to decide which she was," Karkat couldn't resist muttering, making only a token effort to keep his voice down. Terezi clearly heard him, because she started laughing, that low creepy chuckle of hers that always sent shivers down his spine. He stared at her, disbelieving. "You... fuck, that _is_ what you did, isn't it?"

"So? It worked out," Terezi said nonchalantly. "I like being a girl. What's wrong with letting fate decide?"

"If those are your archaic, traditionalist definitions, what are your modern concepts?" Rose asked, clearly fascinated.

"In modern society the concept of gender is less diametric and more scalar," Kanaya said. "With so many adult trolls populating the galaxy, there's no need for individuals to conform so rigidly to one ideal or the other in order to fill all the necessary roles. In the last several hundred sweeps or so, there has been a great deal more recognition of those who feel they possess qualities of both genders, or who prefer to identify as the gender that does not as closely fit their actual attributes. Indeed, some trolls never decide permanently which gender they prefer to be, switching from one to the other as the situation demands, which has proved to be most advantageous if a given group is found to have too many of one or the other gender for its needs. Thus that fluidity has been encouraged."

"So, there you have it," Karkat told John, sneering to cover the flutterbeasts that seemed to be trying to make their home in his gastric bladder. "Your ridiculous homosexual thing _isn't_ a thing. Now are you going to let me fucking treat you on your wriggling day, or not?"

"I..." John looked back at him like an imp helpless to stop the swing of Karkat's sickle straight towards his neck. "I just... I can't... Karkat, I've thought of you as a guy the whole time I've known you. Half my life! You just said yourself that you're totally a guy."

"And you just said that it was the fucking biology that made you not attracted to me," Karkat raged, feeling his last hope of victory slipping from his grasp. Damn it, if _this_ wouldn't convince Egbert, nothing would. He would be stuck watching his should-be-matesprit from the position of a moirail forever - a moiraillegiance which the idiot wouldn't even admit was just a different type of love, so he wouldn't even have that comfort to cling to.

"That's because I thought it was biology that made you a guy," John protested.

It took a mighty effort for Karkat to resist the overwhelming urge to bang his head against the wall. Preferably hard enough to bash his think pan right in, abjuring the need to ever think about any of this again.

"Fine," he growled, then repeated it again louder for good measure. "Fine! I don't know why I even bother to try, when it's obvious that you wouldn't be able to dredge up the intelligence to rub two neurons together and produce a reasonable thought if your fucking life depended on it. Clearly when the frogs were handing out brains to our new creations, they missed your spot in line. You probably weren't even _in_ line, you were off watching one of your pan-rotting so called 'movies', stuffing your face full of your disgusting vegetable-based grubcorn and letting what few braincells you did get trickle out your ears!"

"Karkat..." John didn't even have the grace to look hurt by the insult, just resigned. Of course, it wasn't exactly the first time he'd heard the rant, or others just like it. Which only went to show how true they must be, judging by how often Karkat had to point his stupidity out to him in excruciating detail.

"I don't want to hear it," Karkat hissed at him. "Have a fun wriggling day party, fuckass. You can fucking well enjoy it without me."

He turned and slammed his way out of Sollux's hive, ignoring John's protests and the fact that he hadn't had any plans for tonight other than hanging out with all of his friends.

Not that absconding made him feel any better, since he - and John - knew perfectly well that he'd be back first thing tomorrow, pretending nothing had ever happened, and John would do the same. Until the next time they got into one of these ridiculous arguments, anyway.

Snarling to himself as he stormed up the walk, Karkat tried to make himself believe that this time it would be different. Unfortunately, the only thing he could convince himself might change was that he would lose the last of his hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My thoughts on troll biology:
> 
> Given what we know about their reproductive system, there is no biological reason for trolls to have different sexes. If anything they should all be 'male', as the egg-producing mother grub is clearly the 'female' half of the equation. To humans they'd seem more like hermaphrodites, however, in order to account for both 'nooks' and 'bone bulges', and the fact that they're expected to mix their genetic material prior to offering it to the mother grub.
> 
> On the other hand, although none of the female troll kids show any sign of having breasts, it's probably because they are too young as both Mindfang and Redglare clearly are possessed of SOME sort of protrusion on their chests. There is absolutely no biological reason for them to have mammary glands, since they don't even produce their young directly, let alone nurse them.
> 
> In truth I think that Hussie probably hasn't planned it all out to make biological and sociological sense; he's just made troll culture what he wants it to be without worrying about all the niggling details. From a story-telling perspective there's nothing wrong with that, it's just a little aggravating to a detail-obsessed science major fan like me. They probably do have exactly equivalent equipment to us with different names. But it's more fun to play with this way. ^_^


	2. Chapter 2

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

CG: I NEED YOUR HELP   
CG: AND IF YOU LAUGH AT ME I SWEAR I WILL RIP YOUR FANGS OUT OF YOUR GLOWING FACE AND FEED THEM BACK TO YOU THROUGH YOUR NOOK  
GA: I Wouldnt Do That  
CG: OH YES YOU WOULD DON'T EVEN DENY IT  
CG: OR WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE ANOTHER OF YOUR HUMAN SARCASM ATTEMPTS?  
GA: No It Was Sincere  
GA: There Are Few Circumstances I Can Think Of In Which Id Feel Compelled To Laugh At You  
GA: Though I Admit You Do Have A Way Of Surprising Me  
GA: What Did You Need My Help With  
CG: I NEED YOU TO MAKE ME SOME CLOTHES  
CG: SOMETHING  
CG: FUCK  
CG: PRETTY  
GA: I Think Ill Do The Thing Rose Sometimes Does  
GA: It Seems Most Appropriate Here  
GA: "..."  
CG: I TOLD YOU NOT TO LAUGH AT ME DAMN IT  
GA: That Was Not Laughter  
CG: I'M SERIOUS HERE  
GA: I Believe You  
GA: Im Only Baffled By The Request  
GA: Did Yesterdays Discussion Of Gender Cause You To Question Yours  
CG: FUCK NO I AM MALE AND GOING TO STAY THAT WAY  
CG: BUT APPARENTLY I NEED TO GET EGBERT TO STOP THINKING OF ME AS ONE  
CG: AT LEAST LONG ENOUGH TO PULL HIS THINK PAN OUT OF HIS BONEBULGE WHERE HE SEEMS TO HAVE LODGED IT, AND REALIZE THAT IF THERE'S NO BULGE-SUCKING PHYSICAL DIFFERENCE HIS HOMOSEXUAL THING DOESN'T MATTER  
CG: SO I NEED YOU TO MAKE ME SOMETHING THE HUMANS THINK OF AS FEMININE  
GA: Karkat Im Not Sure This Is The Answer  
GA: Hes Already Been Told About The Lack of Physical Differences  
GA: It Didnt Seem To Matter  
CG: YOU DIDN'T SEE THE LOOK ON HIS FACE WHEN HE FIRST THOUGHT I COULD BE A GIRL AS EASILY AS A GUY  
CG: DAMN IT I KNOW HE'S FLUSHED FOR ME, IT'S SO FUCKING OBVIOUS HE MIGHT AS WELL CARRY A BANNER AROUND  
CG: HE TREATS ME LIKE A FUCKING MATESPRIT IN EVERY WAY THAT COUNTS, EXCEPT HE WON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!  
CG: OR EVEN LET ME TOUCH HIM  
CG: IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW  
GA: I Do Understand What It Feels Like To Be Flushed For Someone Who Considers You A Moirail  
CG: FUCK I DON'T EVEN HAVE THAT  
CG: WE'RE 'JUST BEST FRIENDS'  
GA: And You Believe Dressing In A Feminine Manner Will Change His Mind  
CG: I JUST  
CG: FUCK  
CG: IF I CAN JUST GET HIM TO ADMIT HE WANTS ME, AND ALWAYS HAS, I KNOW THE REST WILL WORK OUT  
CG: IT HAS TO  
CG: PLEASE FUCK IT HAS TO  
GA: Are You Seeing Him Tonight  
CG: YEAH  
GA: Come To My Hive In Two Hours

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

* * *

"No skirts," was the first thing Karkat said when Kanaya opened the door. He tried not to sound grumpy, because he knew Kanaya was doing him a favour, but he had a feeling he wasn't succeeding. "I don't care how much the stupid humans insist skirts are girly, I'm not wearing one."

"I wouldn't dream of it," Kanaya assured him. "You're a close-range fighter, I would not think to restrict your movement like that. You would feel awkward and vulnerable, and that would’t be an attractive look."

"Ok," Karkat said, somewhat mollified. He should have expected that Kanaya would anticipate that requirement - for all that she spent a truly ridiculous amount of her time fussing over fashion and clothing, she did seem to have a gift for coming up with clothes that suited the person she wanted to wear them.

She led him up to her respite block, where her wardrobifier was. It wasn't hard to guess what she'd spent the last two hours doing, as sketches were scattered all over the room. He tried not to look too hard at them. If he let himself think about this at all, he was going to talk himself out of it. Besides, any input he tried to give would only be counterproductive.

A good leader knew when to step back and let his experts do their jobs, he reminded himself. It was something he'd learned the hard way.

"Close your eyes," she instructed, and he looked at her sideways. Did he really trust her enough to let himself be that vulnerable with her? She _was_ a rainbow drinker, and she'd fed from literally every one of their friends left alive except him.

Then again he was trusting her with his dignity at the moment, so maybe trusting her with his life wasn't that big a leap.

He closed his eyes, feeling rather like an idiot. The shift and swish of fabric against his skin was almost tickling as she tried different combinations. Finally she seemed satisfied - or maybe just out of options, because the changes stopped but she still didn't say he could look.

"Hold still," she said instead, and he felt something cool against his lips.

"Oh fuck no," he blurted out, jerking back and opening his eyes again, staring at her wildly. Trust only went so far. Sure enough she was holding a tube of lipstick, and he winced. He had far too many memories of watching her lipstick turn into a chainsaw. Like right before she'd hacked Tavros' legs off, the poor bastard.

"Either you want me to do this correctly, or you don't," she said implacably. "If you don't, there's no reason for you to be here at all. I'm not doing anything extreme, I promise."

He wavered for a moment longer, but finally gave in with ill grace and closed his eyes again, grumbling. She dragged the lipstick over his mouth, and he tried not to grimace at the feel of the waxy stuff left behind.

"Now press your lips together, gently, and rub them against each other to spread it evenly," she ordered, and he did so.

"Feels weird," he complained, trying not to let his tongue or teeth contact his lips as he spoke. The last thing he needed was to have lipstick all over his teeth, even he knew that wasn't in the least sexy.

"You'll become accustomed to it faster than you think," she assured him. There was an odd note in her voice - satisfaction, and also a touch of... approval? "You may open your eyes again. The reflective pane is behind you."

Warily he turned to look. When he saw his reflection he did a double-take, actually glancing back over his shoulder to make sure someone else wasn't standing there. As if it would matter, unless her new wardrobe choices had made him transparent.

He looked again, and blinked a couple of times. The pretty troll in the reflective pane blinked in unison with him, and he finally accepted that yes, that was _him_. Kanaya had chosen a grey shirt made out of a soft, drapey material, with ruched sleeves and a black lace overlay that ran from mid-chest to mid-hip, and his symbol picked out in silver threads. The whole thing came down to his upper thighs, not quite long enough to hamper him like a true skirt would but definitely suggesting the appearance of one. She'd given him black leggings instead of pants, and black strappy sandals with a low wedge heel that made his legs look longer but would still be easy to run and fight in if he had to.

He definitely looked feminine, especially by human standards. Their division of clothing as appropriate based on gender had confused all the trolls from the start, but they'd learned to just deal with it. Now it would work to his advantage.

He also still looked like _himself_ , which he hadn't quite expected. Just a softer, prettier version of himself. Even his wild hair looked artfully mussed instead of chaotic like it usually did. "How did you do that?" he asked, admiring the way the light reflected from the sheen of black gloss she'd applied to his lips. "Fuck me, I actually look half decent."

"Yeah, you do," she agreed, sounding almost as surprised as he was. "It suits you, surprisingly. I wouldn't mind seeing you like this more often. Are you sure you don't want to change your mind about your gender?"

"Shit, no," he snorted, and she sighed. "I might let you play dress-up again sometime, though," he added, and her face lit up with a mischievous smile. "Especially if this works."

Maybe there was something to this weird obsession of hers with clothes. Most trolls just couldn't be bothered, but the effect was quite striking. It wasn't the way he'd want his enemies to think of him, but he definitely didn't mind his matesprit seeing him like this.

Or his... moirail? he wondered, meeting Kanaya's gaze in the reflective pane. She was definitely looking at him with approval, and a sort of startled heat that she'd never regarded him with before. He _had_ just trusted her enough to stand blind and naked in front of her, even with her weapon right next to his face.

Now was not the time to mention it, he decided with only a little reluctance. First he needed to worry about filling his flushed quadrant. _Then_ he could start pondering the pale potential of new developments between him and one of his best friends.

"Try not to eat all the lipstick off between here and John's hive," she said, making shooing motions with her hands. "Go on, it's getting late by their standards. Troll me later and tell me how it went."

"Yeah, I will. And... thanks," he added gruffly, because he knew she deserved it.

She patted him on the shoulder, then used the grip to push him out of her respite block. He took the hint and headed for the door, trying to quell the flutterbeasts that were once again threatening to take up residence in his gastric bladder.

Now if only John reacted to his new look half as well as Kanaya had.

* * *

Usually when Karkat went over to John's hive, he didn't bother to knock anymore. They were both in and out of each other's hives so often, even when the other wasn't home, that Karkat had given John his password and John had given Karkat a key.

And the idiot still insisted they weren't flushed. Most people didn't even give their moirail their password, unless it was an extremely tight moiraillegiance.

Tonight, however, he decided it would be prudent to knock, especially since he _had_ stormed out of the fight they'd had yesterday. And also because he wanted to be sure he would see the full reaction John had to his new clothes, which he might not if he walked in and John came up behind him.

So he thumped his fist against the door a couple of times, and rang the doorbell for good measure. Pounding footsteps answered him quickly, and John yanked the door open a moment later. " _Kar_...kat?" the human exclaimed, starting off excited and ending up startled. "Uhhhh..."

The stunned look in John's eyes was exactly what he'd been hoping to see, Karkat decided, letting himself preen just the tiniest bit. The human looked rather stupid with his jaw hanging open like that, but the flush that swept over his cheeks a moment later made up for it. His eyes ran down over Karkat's body, taking in the full extent of the changes, before jerking back up to his face again, even wider than before.

"What?" Karkat demanded, pretending to be offended. "I'm not allowed to dress up nicely for your wriggling day, either? Fuck you and your stupid human dating rules, I'll wear whatever the hell I want to wear."

"But, uh... those are girl's clothes?" John said, the words coming out as a question like he wasn't sure of it. If he was trying to convince himself that he didn’t find Karkat attractive in that moment, he was doing a damned poor job of it. The heat in his eyes was enough to make Karkat shiver.

"Maybe by human standards. I keep telling you we don't divide things up by gender the way you idiots do," Karkat said, rolling his eyes. That was true, though he was misrepresenting the situation a little - anything with lace and ruffles like the shirt he was wearing was definitely girly even by troll standards. "Are you going to let me in or not?"

Automatically John stepped aside, letting Karkat enter the hive. Deliberately Karkat brushed closer to John than he had to, and was rewarded by an increase in the human's blush.

"Yeah, you keep saying that, but I notice I've never seen you or Sollux in a skirt before," John said, obviously trying to recover.

"You've never seen Pyrope in one either, does that make her a guy?" Karkat retorted. "And you never will - she's a close-quarters fighter, same as me. No fucking way we'd wear something that might restrict our movements, the closest she comes is that stupid Flarping costume of hers, and there's slits in that so she can move freely. The only person that might ever see her in a real skirt would be her matesprit, and only on a damned special occasion in private."

"What about Sollux?" John insisted. "He's a distance fighter, he never even gets close to his opponents."

"Captor just doesn't like them. Pants have _two_ legs."

John snorted in amusement at that, and Karkat smirked back at him. Sollux's obsession with duality had eased after he'd lost his twofold vision and the voices that went with it, but it hadn't faded entirely, and the humans seemed to find it as amusing as the trolls did.

"Anyway, here," Karkat said, shoving a box wrapped in grey paper at him. "Happy wriggling day. Birthday, whatever you call it." Though they'd had the larger party for John the day before with everyone, today was the human's actual day of birth. Or 'day of crashing down on a meteor', anyway. Karkat had asked the other trolls weeks ago to feign something that would keep them busy today, and of course John wouldn't dream of having his party with anybody missing.

Unfortunately the rest of Karkat's plans hadn't gone as smoothly, since he'd made the mistake of asking which restaurant John wanted to go to yesterday. But maybe he could salvage them a little.

"Aw, thanks Karkat, you didn't have to," John said as he took the package and tore into it. "Thresh Prince of Belair?"

"You said you liked human Will Smith, so I thought I'd show you how much more awesome troll Will Smith is," Karkat said loftily. They'd long since agreed to disagree about whether troll or human cinema was superior, but they still enjoyed trying to prove each other wrong. "Want to watch it tonight? It's pretty long, we won't get through it unless we marathon it, but we can start."

"Why not marathon it?" John asked, laughing. "It's the weekend, we've got nowhere to be tomorrow. And I've got lots of popcorn! I think we've even still got grubcorn left over from last time you brought it."

"Good. Let's get this party started," Karkat said, grinning wickedly.

They set themselves up as they always did, sitting on John's bed with their backs to the wall with the lights dimmed and the bowl between them. John had gotten used to eating grubcorn a long time ago, though he still made a face whenever he looked too closely at the exploded grubs. Before then Karkat had suffered through eating nothing but popcorn, since if they weren't sharing a bowl there would be no chance for his hand to sometimes brush against John's.

He was perfectly well aware that he was pathetic, but he would take what he could get.

Halfway through the second episode, he dared to go a little further. When John's hand brushed his again, he caught and held it, mindful of his claws and careful to keep his eyes fixed on the screen. It wasn't the first time he'd tried this, but John always yanked his hand away with an embarrassed laugh.

This time he felt the human's hand tense and twitch as if he was about to pull away, but then John slowly twined his fingers through Karkat's instead, the touch light and hesitant. Exulting inwardly, Karkat let John control how much pressure to squeeze with, and started reaching for the grubcorn with his other hand instead.

They had to let go when they ran out of grubcorn and John went to fetch the popcorn, but that still meant nearly two whole episodes of holding hands. Karkat got up off the bed to stretch his legs while John ran down to the kitchen, congratulating himself a little smugly on his plan. It wasn't much, but compared to the utter non-progress he'd made over the last two years, suddenly things were going at lightspeed.

And all he'd had to do to get it was to wear something a lot more feminine than he normally would. It didn't hurt his pride that he looked pretty fucking good in it, either.

He caught a glimpse of his reflection in the window, and scowled when he realized he was chewing on his lower lip. Not that it mattered, since it appeared he'd lost most of the lipstick when he'd been eating the grubcorn, unsurprisingly. Oh well. It had served its purpose, helping to direct John's initial impression of the outfit.

Though it was kind of a shame, because he'd really liked the way it had showed off the white sharpness of his multiple fangs, one of the few things about his body for which he had no cause to be embarrassed.

John appeared in the reflection of the doorway behind him, and Karkat turned to face his friend. John just stood there staring at him, like he was surprised by Karkat's appearance all over again. "What?" Karkat said when John still hadn’t moved or spoken after several moments. "Were you expecting me to have magically changed back to my usual outfit while you were gone?"

"No, um, I just..." John clutched the large bowl of fresh popcorn to his chest like a shield, eyes wide and that appealing blush spreading over his cheeks again. "You, uh, you really... look good. Like that. Really prettty."

Then he bit his lip and looked appalled, like he thought he'd just said something offensive and was expecting Karkat to tear him a new one. He couldn't have been farther from the truth. For once Karkat was barely angry at the moron at all, too pleased with the compliment and the turn of events.

"Glad you appreciate it, fuckass, considering the trouble I went to," he said, hardly a trace of ire in his voice. He flopped onto the bed again and patted the spot beside him, ostensibly a command for John to pass over the popcorn bowl but really just an invitation for the other boy to sit beside him.

To his delight John not only sat closer to him than usual, _he_ reached for _Karkat's_ hand this time. His fingers were shaking a little, and he looked so uncertain Karkat almost wanted to take pity on him and stop pushing him, but he did it of his own volition and that meant more than a thousand words ever could have.

"So, uh, it's just 'cause you're dressed up for my birthday?" John asked as Karkat hit the remote and the opening theme started to play. "I mean, I guess I won't get to see you dressed like this again?"

Karkat considered that. He... didn't actually object to wearing these clothes again, or ones like them. He wasn't sure he wanted Dave or Jade to catch him in them, because they'd surely tease him about what they saw as crossdressing - another thing they had a word for which shouldn't even be a thing. For that matter he was just as glad that Sollux had never learned to 'see' as clearly as Terezi could, because he would no doubt taunt Karkat endlessly for being willing to compromise his declared gender just to win his matesprit.

There was another potential problem with it, as well. "If you like it this much, I might be persuaded to pay a little more attention to my clothes in the future," he admitted grudgingly, squeezing John's hand slightly. "But let's make one thing clear right now, fuckass. No matter what I'm wearing, I'm still _me_ , and I'm not changing the way I act. So don't expect me to start behaving like a damned girl just because you think my clothes are girly, got it?"

He wanted John to realize that gender shouldn't - didn't - matter between matesprits, but he still wanted John to want _him_. Not some artificial construct, an illusion that would fall apart when exposed to the light of reality.

John blinked, and then looked at him thoughtfully. "Yeah... okay," he finally agreed. "I think I get it. I wouldn't really want you to change, Karkat. If you did, you wouldn't be you, and I mean it when I keep telling you that I like you exactly the way you are. It's just, I uh... didn't realize you could look quite so hot," he finished in a mumble.

"Well, don't expect me to parade around like this in public, either," Karkat said, leaning back against the wall with a contented smirk. "I've got a badass reputation to maintain, and 'soft and frilly' isn't exactly the look I want to be known for."

"So... you'd only let someone you trust see you like this?" John hazarded, going slowly from thoughtful to pleased.

"Someone I pitied the fuck out of because I knew he wouldn't have a hope in hell of ever beating me, yeah," Karkat told him smugly. It was about damned time John finally grew a think pan and figured things out.

He wasn't sure which of them moved first to twine their fingers tighter together. He _was_ sure that it didn't matter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lookit the [gorgeous fanart](http://katcoo13.deviantart.com/art/Making-Progress-244326001) by katcoo13! I especially adore the look on Karkat's face!


	3. Chapter 3

The next day Karkat went back to his usual outfit, and told himself sternly that he was not disappointed by the sight of his reflection in the window on the way out of his hive. He could and did admit that he missed the feel of the softer fabrics Kanaya had used in his new clothes, and made a note to see if she would make him a new sweater and jeans out of the same sort of thing.

 _John_ was certainly disappointed to see him back to normal, and it showed clearly in his face when Karkat walked in. But he hid it well after the first moment - and when Karkat reached for his hand, John not only didn't protest, he met Karkat halfway.

Progress.

* * *

"Of course I will be more than happy to make as many outfits as you like," Kanaya assured him, smiling happily. "I'm just glad to hear things went so well."

"I told you he was flushed and just wouldn't admit it." Karkat was still so pleased by the human's reaction that he damn near smiled back at her, managing to turn it into an indifferent shrug at the last moment. He couldn't quite dredge up the ire for a scowl. "You should have seen the look on his face when he opened the door. I thought I was gonna need to find a pail."

"Karkat," she protested his crudeness, blushing. Against her glowing white skin, the green flush looked like someone was shining a bright light through flawless translucent jade. Then she chuckled. "Perhaps I should take that as a challenge to find the outfit which will cause him to require one in truth."

"Yeah, that's the general idea," Karkat said, snorting. She blushed a little harder, and he rolled his eyes at her.

Wandering over to the wall where she had sketches and pages torn from fashion magazines plastered all over, he studied the myriad different designs. It was a maddening swirl of colours and shapes, and he hardly knew where to start making sense out of it. "Are all these drawings yours? They're pretty decent."

"Rose says that if I continue to study human fashions and trends, I could hope to be accepted to a fashion institution," Kanaya told him, a note of awe and disbelief in her voice. "They have _entire schools_ dedicated wholly to the subject, Karkat."

"Not surprising, considering you had a hand in creating the world," Karkat reminded her. "They got my freakish blood and your ridiculous love of clothes. Could be worse, I suppose."

"If it's so ridiculous, why are you here asking me for more outfits?" she teased him gently. "I'd say you have been thoroughly bitten by the fashion bug."

"Oh, go fuck yourself. I'm only doing this for John," Karkat snapped.

She didn't call him a liar. She even let him pretend that he wasn't blushing while he said it. That had to be a sign of pity.

* * *

Since their next planned meeting was at Karkat's hive, Karkat decided to reward John for being willing to hold his hand by dressing up again. Getting into the clothes and making himself look nice proved to be a little more difficult when he had to do it the hard way, instead of letting Kanaya's wardrobifier do its magic.

It was worth it for the delighted look on John's face when he walked into Karkat's respite block. His shy, stammering compliments were music to Karkat's ears.

They shared their first kiss that night, and despite their mutual hesitant awkwardness, it almost felt like all the months of frustrated waiting had finally paid off.

Progress indeed.

* * *

"So, does this mean I should call you my gi... uh, boyfriend?"

Karkat glared at John, who had the grace to blush and flail his hands as if to negate the slip. "No no, it's not because I think of you as a girl, it's just that I always expected I'd have a girlfriend, not a boyfriend!"

"Yeah, because that's believable," Karkat grumbled. "Pull that again and I won't wear anything but jeans and sweaters for a month." He tried hard not to let himself care whether or not John would force him to follow through on the threat. He _would_ \- he refused to allow the nookwhiffer to call him a girl, and even if it really had been an accident, it shouldn't be the sort of accident he was making.

But damn it, Kanaya had _just_ convinced him to let her put a little colour into his wardrobe, and he'd been looking forward to seeing John's reaction to the soft sleeveless knitted tunic in the human's signature blue that he'd been planning to wear tomorrow.

"Aw, don't be like that, Karkat," John pleaded, making baby woofbeast eyes at him. "You'd be depriving yourself as much as me, I know you like wearing pretty clothes."

"I do not," Karkat retorted, stung. The fact that John was totally right only made him angrier at the accusation."I'm only wearing this shit because I'm taking pity on your miniscule think pan and inability to process the simple concept that my gender has nothing to do with your idiotic homosexual issue."

"Uh-huh, that's why all your t-shirts are made of softer fabric now?"

"Shut the fuck up, Egbert. And we're matesprits, get it right."

"Yeah, okay. I can't make a mistake that way. Matesprits."

Something warm glowed inside Karkat's thoracic cavity at the sound of John calling him his matesprit.

* * *

It didn't take long for Karkat to realize that although John no longer hesitated to kiss him any time they were alone, he kissed a lot harder and more passionately when Karkat was wearing something feminine. He was more likely to be the one to start things, too. The prettier Karkat's outfit, the faster they would end up making out and the hotter it would get, every time.

He thought maybe he should have been angry about it, but then again maybe he should be grateful. It meant John wasn't treating him like he was delicate or something. Either way, Karkat really couldn't bring himself to care when John was exploring Karkat's mouth with his tongue while clutching at his shoulders tight enough to bruise. Karkat enjoyed it when John was forceful, though he had to be careful not to get too aggressive in response.

Not because John didn't like it, but because the human tended to end up bleeding if he did. John didn't seem very fast to tell him to stop, either.

Definitely progress.

* * *

"We're matesprits, right?"

Jarred out of the peaceful state of bliss he'd been in, Karkat opened his eyes and glared up at the human boy. They were on John's bed, with John sitting against the headboard and Karkat curled up perpendicular to him, his head resting on John's lap. John had been running his hands gently through Karkat's hair and occasionally stroking his horns, which in Karkat's opinion was nearly as good as a make out session.

Having it interrupted by such moronic inanity made him a little pissy. "We already _had_ this conversation, Egbert. A fucking month ago. Did you forget? Or does the incredible density of your think pan mean it only just now sank in?"

"No, I mean..." John shook his head and stroked his fingers through Karkat's hair again, tugging gently on the longest strands. Karkat hadn't cut it since John's wiggling day. Partly because he just couldn't be bothered, or so he told himself, but he also had to admit that it was partly because John seemed to like playing with it so much. And it looked good with his new outfits.

"You mean what, grubtard?" Karkat prompted irritably when John didn't seem inclined to continue.

"Um..." John blushed, and his fingers tightened in Karkat's hair. "It's just, well, you said once that probably the only person who would ever get to see Terezi in a real skirt is her matesprit."

"Yeah, so?" Karkat fought the urge to tilt his head and increase the faint tugging sensation.

"And that you would never wear a skirt for the same reason as her, because you're a close-range fighter and it would hamper your movements."

"Yeah, _so_?" Damn, it was so hard to think when little tingles were running down his spine like that.

"So... does that mean I'll get to see you in a skirt?"

Karkat's eyes snapped open again, though he hadn't realized he'd reclosed them. He gave John a dirty look, highly suspicious. "Humans think only girls should wear skirts," he said, his voice low and dangerous, the first hint of a warning growl rumbling beneath the words.

"Yeah, but trolls don't, you said," John coaxed him, apparently oblivious to the undertones. Or maybe just wilfully ignoring them, Karkat wasn't sure.

"Why do you want to see me in one?" Karkat demanded. "Still trying to convince yourself that I'm practically a girl anyway?" That was his one fear, the rotten grub that threatened to foul everything good in his life.

"Um, because I think you'd look really fucking hot," John admitted, blushing but not looking away from Karkat's eyes. "I can't help it; I'm just attracted to pretty clothes and sexy makeup, that's part of why I always thought I was only interested in girls! And actually... I've kind of been thinking about this a lot... I think it's hotter because you _don't_ act like a girl, really. You act like yourself, so I still get to have my best friend, but I also get to admire you in lacy shirts and feminine shoes and all the rest of it. And I really, really want to see you in a skirt. Please?"

Suddenly overheated, Karkat squirmed a little, and in the end he was the one who broke eye contact. "Maybe," he muttered, burying his face in John's stomach and nudging his horns against the boy's hand as a hint to start petting again. "I'll think about it."

So John thought only people in feminine clothes were hot, and that's why he'd thought he wasn't homosexual? Because human males weren't willing to wear 'girly' clothes - and the trolls as a whole were too utilitarian to bother, even though they didn't have the same sort of stupid gender restrictions.

Karkat could work with that.

* * *

Trolls didn't make nearly as big a deal over their wriggling day as humans did over their birthday, but Karkat wasn't averse to letting John make a fuss about his if the human wanted to. He did make it clear that he wasn't interested in any kind of big party or going out anywhere - he had plans which very definitely required him to be alone with John and safely inside his hive.

Call it his wriggling day present to himself. If he had anything to say about it, tonight he was going to get pailed.

He was waiting in his respite block when John arrived, because there was no way he was going to answer the door and chance anyone seeing him like this. Bad enough that Kanaya had needed to see it, since he'd once again required her help putting the outfit together. Deciding to think of her as his moirail was about the only way he'd gotten through the experience, because she'd been absolutely right when she'd said that he would feel too awkward and vulnerable in a confining skirt.

He could only hope that she was wrong about the fact that he therefore wouldn't look good in one. She'd seemed pleased enough with the results, smiling at him in a very smug manner when she'd finished with him.

Judging by the utterly gobsmacked look on John's face when he walked in and saw Karkat in the silky dress, he needn't have worried.

Progress complete.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Fanart by Jane!](http://i899.photobucket.com/albums/ac200/miko_no_da/mineHomestuckKarkatCross_Miko_AO3.jpg)

"Wow, you, um, wow, Karkat, just... wow," John stammered, eyes wide and face rapidly flushing in the way that Karkat had come to love best.

Torn between being pleased and feeling a little self-conscious, Karkat crossed his arms. Then he thought better of it and braced them behind him on his four-legged level surface, so that he wouldn't obscure John's view of the dress. Kanaya had truly outdone herself, and her work deserved to be appreciated, not hidden.

"Savour it while you can," he told his matesprit. "You won't get to see it often. Like I said, special occasions only."

"Yeah, okay," John breathed out, sounding dazed. "You... you look really, _really_ hot. Really."

And he really, _really_ liked seeing that expression on John's face, Karkat decided. Really. It was a mixture of awe and desperate desire that kindled an answering flame low in Karkat's groin. It was definitely worth making himself feel vulnerable like this, in high heels that threatened to turn his ankle if he moved too fast and a full skirt that kept trying to get tangled in his legs.

He took a careful step towards John, trying to make the necessary slowness seem deliberate and provocative. He saw John swallow hard, and for the first time noticed that he could actually see the human's pulse beating faintly against the fragile skin of his throat. The speed of it jumped suddenly when Karkat took another step forward, and Karkat smirked.

"You like it?" he crooned, making no effort to hide the way his own voice was edging higher and tighter with desire.

John opened his mouth as if to answer, but nothing came out. After a moment he swallowed again and shut it, nodding intently. His eyes couldn't seem to decide where to settle, drifting over the way the folds of the bodice draped over Karkat's thorax, down past the filmy skirt that shifted faintly in the breeze from the windows, all the way to the where the muscles in his exposed calves were emphasized by the extra inches of the heels. Then he started back up again, just as slow and thorough - and twice as appreciative.

"Well then, why are you just standing there?" Karkat demanded, melting a little beneath the heat of John's gaze. "If you make me pounce you first, you're going to end up bleeding, damn it." He probably would before the night was out regardless, but they should at least delay it as long as possible if they wanted this to end well. Stupid fragile humans.

"Right," John said, shaking his head like he was trying to wake up from a dream. He stepped forward, and despite his best intentions to make John come to him, Karkat met him in the middle.

With the heels on Karkat was a little taller than John, which let him comfortably drape his arms over the other boy's shoulders to pull him close. John wrapped his arms around Karkat's waist in turn, and their mouths came together hungrily.

This was familiar territory now, and Karkat found the strawberry flavour of his lip gloss a welcome addition to the already sweet taste of John's mouth. John seemed to like it too, because he ran his tongue gently over the surface of Karkat's lips, lapping it up in a way that made Karkat shiver in response.

Karkat worked one hand up into John's hair, careful not to scratch with his claws but needing _something_ to anchor him. John made the weird, low sound that he'd said was a 'moan', and tilted his head back in response to Karkat's tugging.

That opened up his neck, a target too tempting for Karkat to resist. He broke the kiss and trailed his mouth lower, feeling the faint scrape against his lips where John had not long ago started having to shave. So much hair all over their bodies, it was so strange - Karkat had bluntly forbidden him to allow it to grow when he'd found out that the possibility existed, but he had to admit that the roughness of the stubble was exciting.

He couldn't quite resist the urge to draw his lips back over his teeth when he reached the place where he could feel John's pulse thundering, but he managed not to do more than rake his fangs gently over the skin. He tasted only the salt of sweat, not the sharp tang of blood, and John moaned and shivered against him.

John pulled him closer in response, and Karkat chirped faintly as he felt the silky fabric of the dress slide against his skin. John's hands clenched in the folds at the back, tugging it more firmly against his front, before sliding up and down over his spine in a way that made Karkat chirp again, louder.

"Unless you say otherwise in the next five seconds, we are not stopping tonight," he ground out, feeling compelled to offer some sort of warning and knowing that his self control was not going to be good enough for him to stop if they kept going this way. "I want to know _exactly_ how freaky you aliens are, and how the fuck you manage to get off with only half the equipment you need."

John froze against him, and for a moment Karkat thought maybe he'd gone too far. Then the human boy groaned and pulled him closer still, nuzzling into the side of Karkat's neck and nipping sharply with his ridiculously blunt teeth.

"That... had better be a fucking yes," Karkat said, his voice strained with the effort it took to speak coherently.

"Mmm... will you leave the skirt on?" John breathed out against his skin. "It's really, really sexy."

"Fffuuuuck yes," Karkat replied, the first word catching on a low warble that insisted on escaping him. He tipped his head back as John bit him again, harder this time, and tightened his hand in the human's hair. He wanted nothing more than to dig his claws in, or better yet bite him back, but he kept control of his urges with an effort.

Concentrating on what John was doing to him made it both easier and harder to distract himself from what he wanted to be doing in return. Easier, because he could lose himself in the amazing sensations sweeping through him, but harder because it made him want to make John feel just as good.

"I'm going to fuck you into the wall, until you're screaming and crying my name, begging for mercy," Karkat informed him, taking a step forward and crowding John into backing up. "In fact, I'm going to fuck you so hard you won't even remember how to talk, won't remember anything except how much you want me to do it even harder."

Another few steps had John up against the wall as promised, and Karkat leaned into him. A low growl trickled out of his throat, a sound intended to warn a troll's partner to brace themselves. Something of the warning must have translated in John's pathetic human subconscious mind, because he did indeed brace himself against the wall behind him.

Karkat's mouth found John's throat again, and this time he couldn't resist the urge to bite down. He kept it as gentle as he could, but he tasted blood and heard John cry out, felt the boy's hands scrabbling over his back like he was searching for a lifeline to hold.

Then John dropped one hand lower, dragging his fingers over the yielding flesh of Karkat's ass, making him shudder. He kneaded there for a moment, wrenching a chorus of chirps from Karkat's windtube as it started to close up on him.

Working one of his legs between John's, Karkat rocked his thigh up, rubbing against the place where John's auto-erogenous shame globes should be. Either that wasn't one of the pieces of equipment the human was missing, or else he had something equivalent to it, because he moaned and ground down into the contact.

He also definitely had a bone bulge - or whatever that stupid word they used was, dick - because Karkat could feel it rubbing against his hip. His eyes went wide as he realized how big it must be. Did humans make up for their missing parts by making the bits they did have five times as large?

Suddenly feeling a little uncertain, Karkat released John's hair and back to grab for his fly instead. He wanted to see just what he was getting into, here. It didn't hurt that John practically whimpered at the touch and rocked into him again, shifting to get his own thigh between Karkat's legs.

Karkat got another shock when he got John's pants open and found, not the mound of protective bone he'd expected, but a stiff length of flesh that jutted up from between John's thighs. It was hard to the touch, though the skin that covered it was the softest Karkat had yet felt on a human. It twitched beneath his fingers as John moaned louder, but didn't attempt to wrap around his hand or really move at all. He wasn't sure it _could_.

"Jegus fuck, and here I thought Captor was the king of freaks," Karkat said breathlessly. "What is that? Is that _normal_? There is no fucking way you are putting that thing inside me."

"Wha... you're changing your mind?" John blurted out, lifting his head to give Karkat a dismayed look. "Yes, it's normal, c'mon, it's not _that_ bad, is it?"

It took Karkat a second to figure out what he was on about, but he finally realized that the way he'd phrased his words could be taken as an indication of his reaction rather than a simple statement of fact. He snorted. "No, I'm not changing my mind, I am saying there is _no physical way_ you are getting that fucking monstrosity into my nook! Shit, how the hell are we going to do this?"

"Uh," John replied intelligently. It looked like he was having trouble forming coherent thoughts. Karkat couldn't really blame him, because it was amazingly difficult to think through the heat he could feel searing his body from the inside out.

When he couldn't come up with any words, John apparently decided to try actions instead. Catching the soft material of Karkat's skirt in his hands, he pulled it up until he could slide one hand under it, seeking tentatively towards the place between Karkat's legs.

Karkat warbled and tilted his hips up, both to encourage him and to give him better access. His shame globes were throbbing already just with the anticipation, and his nook was achingly empty.

John hesitated briefly when his fingers encountered the satiny lace of the netherdressings Kanaya had insisted were the only thing appropriate to wear with the dress. It wasn't because he was put off, though - he moaned again, the loudest sound he'd made so far, and Karkat felt the human's dick jump in what certainly seemed to be a positive reaction. His fingers were shaking faintly as he slid them beneath the fabric, brushing over Karkat's shame globes before finding the edges of his nook.

At the same time the heel of John’s palm was grinding against Karkat's bone bulge, and he chirped softly as he thrust against the pressure. His bulge was already working its way out from behind the protective shield, eager for the feel of John's hand on him.

"Yeah, there's no way," John agreed breathlessly as his fingers explored the outer dimensions of Karkat's nook. "How do you guys... whaaaa _oh_!" He jerked his hand back abruptly, just as Karkat's bulge emerged to writhe against his hand. Karkat keened and shuddered, denied the contact he was longing for. The silk netherdressings felt pretty gog-damned amazing, but they weren't what he really wanted.

Slowly John returned his hand, catching the top of the netherdressings this time and pulling them down over Karkat's thighs to reveal his groin. Karkat's bulge wriggled against his hand, then twined through his fingers when John closed them around it. Karkat keened again as his hips jerked in reaction.

"Okay, okay," John repeated, seemingly to himself. He sounded caught somewhere between being weirded out and thoroughly turned on. Or maybe being weirded out was turning him on, Karkat didn't know and didn't care, just as long as he didn't pull back again. "So this is supposed to go in there, I guess. Only I don't have a 'there' and you're right that my dick is not going to fit in yours. So... shit. What if I just play with this?"

He suited actions to words, stroking his fingers over Karkat's bulge in a way that made him literally see stars for a moment. "Not... not enough," Karkat somehow managed to gasp out past the constriction in his throat. "Need... pressure inside. Or I won't be able to... get off. H-how do you...?"

"Touching me will be more than enough," John assured him with a breathy laugh. "Especially if you keep, fuck, looking like that, god Karkat I've never seen anything so hot in my life."

Just touching? Karkat couldn't imagine how that could possibly be enough, but he did his best to comply, running his fingers up and down the length of John's dick, trying to be mindful of his claws. John gasped and cried out, a hoarse sound that made Karkat's shame globes throb harder.

"Harder," John pleaded, shivering. "Just... oh, god, just wrap your hand around it, Karkat, yeah, that's it."

Feeling like this was surely going to end with screams of agony instead of pleasure, Karkat reluctantly followed the human's instructions and tightened his grip around the hard shaft. "Don't you dare even _think_ about doing this to me," he croaked, gastric bladder clenching as tight as his windtube at the thought.

"No, you feel so... fragile," John marvelled, running his fingers along the length of Karkat again. "Like all the softness and vulnerability the rest of your body doesn't have is made up for here, you must trust me _so much_ to let me hold you like this, fuck."

"Pity," Karkat corrected him breathlessly, struggling for control. "It's not trust, fuckass, it's pity. You're so wretchedly soft and pathetic you probably couldn't hurt me even if you tried. I don't... I... _shiiiiiit_ ," he trailed off in a warble as John's fingers found and teased at his shame globes. The human's fingers were so soft and felt _so good_ against his sensitive flesh, Karkat was sure that there couldn't be any better feeling in the entire universe.

Worth the wait, fuck yes, and then some. Especially when John leaned in and bit down hesitantly on the side of his neck, the pressure gentle like he wasn't sure it would be welcome. Speech was quite thoroughly beyond Karkat now, but the growl that worked its way out of his throat seemed to get his point across well enough. John sank his teeth in a little deeper, still not breaking the skin, but hard enough that Karkat could feel little sparkles of pleasure radiating out from the bite.

John started rocking his hips up, thrusting the hard length of his dick through the tunnel created by Karkat's fist, and he seemed to like the pressure there just as much as Karkat liked the feel of his teeth. Getting the idea, Karkat started stroking him in time with the rhythm, sliding his hand from root to tip and back again. The soft skin caught against his calluses at first, but then John started to leak colourless fluid from the tip and that helped to ease the passage.

Getting a little desperate himself, Karkat crowded John against the wall and ground their hips together instinctively. John pulled his hand out of the way, but that just left Karkat more bereft than he'd started. The best he could do was rub the head of John's dick repeatedly over the entrance to his nook, there was just no way to get it inside where he needed it.

The feel of it bumping against his shame globes with each thrust was amazing, but it wasn't enough. John was making those low moaning noises again, so there was no doubt he appreciated rubbing against Karkat. Especially when Karkat's bulge wrapped around his dick, seeking a nook that wasn't there and clinging to the closest thing it could find. The squirming motions of his bulge against John's dick seemed to do an excellent job of replacing his hand.

Karkat's growl turned into a whine, and he sank his teeth into John's neck again, shivering with lust and frustrated desire. The hot, metallic spill of blood over his tongue did nothing to appease him, indeed it made him burn hotter still.

"Easy, easy," John was murmuring over and over in his ear, and Karkat realized that he might be biting too hard. He eased up a little, and was rewarded by John biting on his ear in turn, making him keen.

"Fuck, Karkat, you feel so good, _look_ so good, shit," John gasped, his thrusts gaining speed. "There has to be... something I can do for you, damn it..."

Karkat was about ready to say 'fuck it' and try to force John's dick inside him, despite knowing it would only end in pain and a swift death of the heat between them. Then John got his hand involved again, sliding it between his dick and Karkat's body, careful not to pull on his bulge in the process.

Trying to marshal the wits to ask what the fuck he thought he was doing got Karkat nothing but a series of chirps, but a moment later he didn't _need_ to ask. John got two of his fingers - those soft, blunt, wonderful, _gog-fucking-damned amazing_ fingers - into his nook.

And then he twisted them.

For a long, soul-shattering moment Karkat literally saw red, his vision swimming with it as his throat closed up completely. He keened and shuddered against John, hands clenching tight enough that he vaguely heard John yelp as Karkat's claws pierced his hips. The rush of release hit him with the force of a runaway intergalactic travel device, literally before he knew what was happening.

John cried out and arched against him, and he was shaking too, babbling something that might or might not have been important. It didn't really matter, because Karkat couldn't comprehend the words as anything but strings of random sounds, too lost in pleasure to wrangle them into something coherent.

Assuming they were coherent to start with, of course. If John felt _half_ as good as Karkat did in that moment, there was no way he was managing coherent speech.

When he came back to himself, Karkat discovered that he'd collapsed against John's chest at some point, and only the wall was keeping them both upright. John's breathing was as ragged and hard as Karkat's, his thoracic cavity rising and falling beneath Karkat's cheek, his breath stirring the hair just over Karkat's ear. He had one hand at the small of Karkat's back, the other still buried inside him.

Gingerly Karkat released the death grip he had on John's hips, feeling the sticky warmth of blood beneath his fingers as he did. "Sorry," he rasped, barely able to shape the word but knowing he needed to say _something._

To his surprise, John started to laugh. "For what? Carrying through on your threat to fuck me senseless?"

"No, idiot. For clawing you to pieces," Karkat retorted, gently probing the wounds. They weren't too deep, but it made John flinch and he realized in dismay that the blood had trickled down to leave big blotches on John's pants where they gathered around his thighs. "Shit, and for ruining your pants."

"Not half as much as you ruined that dress," John replied, and sighed. "It's really a shame, it looked amazing on you, and now I won't get to admire you in it for the rest of the evening."

He was right, Karkat realized, grimacing as he reached down and fingered the formerly silky folds of the skirt. It was soaked with his genetic fluid now, hanging limp and bedraggled instead of floating around his legs like it was supposed to. "You caught me by surprise," he mumbled, blushing hard. "I didn't have a chance to even think about grabbing a bucket. What about you, did you...?"

"Oh, yeah," John said, his tone almost reverent. Just the way he said the words made a tingle of heat run down Karkat's spine - or maybe that was due to the thoroughly satiated look on his matesprit's face. "Believe me, I don't think I've ever come that hard in my life. We should both clean up, and then I guess you'd better change. My pants aren't too bad, I'll be okay."

He sounded so despondent as he said it that Karkat couldn't help but smirk at him. "This isn't the only skirt Kanaya gave me, you know. 'Just in case', she said." Had she known? No, how could she? Of course she'd have assumed that Karkat would use a bucket, if she'd thought about it that explicitly at all.

Heat flooded John's eyes, and Karkat chirped despite himself in response. "I think, if we want to do anything tonight other than have sex, you'd better save the other skirt for later," John said carefully, like it took an effort for him to remember how to form words.

Smirking, Karkat caught his hand and tugged him towards the ablution block. "It's my wriggling day, fuckass. I'll wear whatever I want."

"Don't say I didn't warn you," John said, grinning giddily back at him. "Have I mentioned that I really, really love how hot you are in a dress?"

"Have I mentioned that you're really, really a pathetic idiot?" Karkat retorted, and stole a quick kiss.

Who knew pretty clothes could be both fun and rewarding in the best possible ways?


End file.
